indiesnopp: (miryovogue)
[personal profile] indiesnopp
Title:  You and me, we'd look so much better up-side-down
Fandom/Ship: White Christmas (drama), Jo Young Jae-centric, onesided! Young Jae/Eun Sung
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, Mentions of abuse, self harm, depression and minor disturbing imagery
Summary: He finds out quickly that the world can become a lot uglier when narrowed down to exist solely behind a prison of concrete and high glass walls. Young Jae makes himself into the prince of his own rejected fairytale.



He’s fourteen when his mother marries someone who is all money and not much of anything else. ‘This is everything we’ve always wanted’ she tells him and forces them both to believe it with a near religious conviction. Young Jae is told to stop being himself-- be a better boy for the both of them and Young Jae counts this as his starting point of becoming someone far worse.



Step dad teaches Young Jae quickly that money can buy you free of every sin and moral obligation. Like cardinal letters, the depth of your pockets can let you buy a clear conscience from the crimes you’ve committed.

His new stepfather cheats on his taxes and cheats on Young Jae’s mother. He paints the surface of Young Jae’s back in red and purple lines with his belt and cuts him verbally with every word directed at him.

“Some things you just do best to forget.” His mother always repeats after she orders him to lie on his stomach and starts to rub down his back. And she lives as she learns-- erasing the memories of other women chosen before her and her own sins; the begging cries of her half naked, frozen son banging on the front door.

A memory and a grudge means nothing when you’re the only one holding it, so Young Jae fills his head with things that are constant. Historical facts, lines from books and rows of equations becomes his new memories. His teachers still despise him, but his test scores are the best his school has ever seen and this becomes his saving grace of sorts, because this is what gets him into Susin.




Sunlight hits her and pales in comparison to her smile,  it fills her up and shines out of her pores. She’s the girl who makes everyone turn their head at the sound of her laugh and even the shrewdest of men would believe in miracles if she spoke to them. Yoon Eun Sung is the perfect white canvas of beauty and Young Jae feels like he’s a fine layer of black dust on it’s surface just by being in the same room as her.



Things doesn’t get better just because he’s left his old hell and he finds out quickly that the world can become a lot uglier when narrowed down to exist solely behind a prison of concrete and high glass walls. When one of the boys find out that he’s a bastard whose mother married herself into new money, the first thing the boy does is try to use him for test results and threatens to make the rest of his high school years into misery unless he complies. Young Jae decides that he needs to bring back an old part of himself and uses his fists to refuse the order.

As the boy lies on the pristine floor-- now stained with splashes of red -- Young Jae gives up on becoming clean slate and picks up his old cloak of dirt and fear and re-ties it around his shoulders.



He never planned on becoming a creature hiding around her corners, but here he is anyway. It’s accidental and coincidental he lies to himself and believes it more with each quirk of her lips as she gossips with her friends.

Her face is scrunched up in mild disapproval as she listens to her friend’s story and her eyes become darker when she speaks again, “You shouldn’t get involved with a boy like Taehwan, Jiyeon,” she lectures the girl in front of her “he’s friends with Jo Young Jae. That boy is like a plague--” Eun Sung says and shudders. “everything that touches him rots and turns into ashes.”

The name sticks and there’s a small sense of pride that fills him that it was her who gave it to him. The hate he feels for her judgement is tinged with elation that Yoon Eun Sung got her spotless hands dirty in his name and an icy hot feeling spreads in his stomach over the knowledge that she’s tainted with his black fingerprints that will be impossible to wash herself clean from.

Young Jae wants to hold on to her as tight as he can and cling until she’s crawling in the filth with him.




Her light is dimming by each day when he first sees it. He doesn’t think anyone else knows, but then again no one else has ever watched her in the way he has. No one else have ever watched and waited for her darkness to show, for her smiles to fall and her eyes to go dead. And it’s in his search for the ugly parts of her that he see’s the small dark lines peeking out from beneath her school uniform, the sight of them clashing horribly with the paleness of her skin.

Young Jae wonders if she’ll break like him one day, if her shallow scars can become a miniature map for the lashes on his back and once safe in the dark corners of his room, he starts fantasizing about her small hands guiding his fingers up her legs and under her skirt for him to pick at the nearly healed scabs until they are bleeding again-- open and wet-- just for him.


“A bully with a rich father. People like you is really the last thing this school needs.” Were the first words she ever spoke to him. After that it became like a game for him, an obsession over how many times she could get close to touch him and sully herself.

Moo Yul may have gotten all her love and the rest of the world has had to share her smiles and her kindness, (The same world who is now sharing her indifference and Moo Yul who is now stuck with her rejection.) but Young Jae gets all her anger and her contempt and those things have always only been for him. Her vicious words and distaste for him drips black like hot tar from her fingertips and spews from her mouth, it sears and burns itself into his skin and for her, he’s going to wear every blister and scar with pride. He takes everything that nobody else wants from her and keeps it like a token close to his chest, hidden under the layers of things he wishes he never were.





Sunlight hits her, but it doesn’t fill her up or even reflect from her anymore. Instead it gets sucked up and dies in the rapidly deepening hollows beneath her worryingly protruding cheekbones.

Young Jae thinks that she’s never looked more beautiful.















Date: 2013-03-10 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arsenic-lies.livejournal.com
YOU FINISHED SOMETHING! AND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO SPAM YOU WITH PICTURES OF BEN BARNES!! I’M SO PROUD OF YOUUUUUUUUU. *throws a parade* And if that wasn't a big enough of a clue, hiiiii hiii hhiiiiii it's Joanne i dug this old and dead LJ out to comment on your's and Lauren's new fics. <33

‘Young Jae is told to stop being himself-- be a better boy for the both of them and Young Jae counts this as his starting point of becoming someone far worse.’

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss the guide to a build your own monster kit right there, god that line is beautiful.

God this fic just makes me want to watch this series all over again, despite how scary Woobin’s face is to me in it. For such a handsome bastard he looked terrifying.

‘Yoon Eun Sung is the perfect white canvas of beauty and Young Jae feels like he’s a fine layer of black dust on it’s surface just by being in the same room as her.’

!!!!!!!!!!! How do you even aofjiisdjgdkgjdk this metaphor oh my god yes this is them this is wonderful. That feeling of unease and darkness creeping into your every pore, that’s what this drama left me feeling, that’s what I’m getting from this fic, this is the best.

‘Young Jae wants to hold on to her as tight as he can and cling until she’s crawling in the filth with him.’

I feel like I’m reading an extract from one of the creepy, gore filled serial killer novels I used to consume as a teen, and it’s the best feeling ever.

Gooooooooooooooooooore gooooooooooooooooore I love me some gore, this pairing is so delicious and fucked up thank you for writing this.

‘Sunlight hits her, but it doesn’t fill her up or even reflect from her anymore. Instead it gets sucked up and dies in the rapidly deepening hollows beneath her worryingly protruding cheekbones.’

Fuck me sideways I love this ending, that yes that’s a perfect sick little feeling to leave with. It just seeps in under your skin and stays there just like this drama did. Let me roll around in this fic forever ok, I never want to leave.

I love you lots and lots and I’m so happy you finished this aksfjskfjks.

Edited Date: 2013-03-10 10:45 pm (UTC)

Date: 2013-03-10 11:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] indiesnopp.livejournal.com
JOAAAAANNNNNEEEE! FOR ME? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!

I have this obsession with Young Jae's obsession with Eun Sung. I love how in the show there were all these little hints that he basically stalked her and they had this weird little relationship where they'd only show the truest ugliest sides of themselves when they were alone together. Self depricating and angry children with mommy issues!

I'm so glad that some elements from the show could show itself in the fic! It was just what I was going for.

"I feel like I’m reading an extract from one of the creepy, gore filled serial killer novels I used to consume as a teen, and it’s the best feeling ever."


JUST WHAT I WAS GOING FOR! When he said "Become twisted enough for a twisted boy like me to like you" I just wanted all the creepy and twisted fics taking place in Young Jae's head. I love me some gore too!

I love yoooou~~
<3

Date: 2013-03-10 11:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penny-lane-42.livejournal.com
Young Jae really does come across to me as an abuse victim compensating for his victimization, so this background strikes me as realistic.

A memory and a grudge means nothing when you’re the only one holding it, so Young Jae fills his head with things that are constant. Historical facts, lines from books and rows of equations becomes his new memories. His teachers still despise him, but his test scores are the best his school has ever seen and this becomes his saving grace of sorts, because this is what gets him into Susin.


Okay, that bit about memory and grudge is AWESOME, and I LOVE the reasoning you've got here for how he came to Susin. YES.

Yoon Eun Sung is the perfect white canvas of beauty and Young Jae feels like he’s a fine layer of black dust on it’s surface just by being in the same room as her.

PERFECT.


The name sticks and there’s a small sense of pride that fills him that it was her who gave it to him. The hate he feels for her judgement is tinged with elation that Yoon Eun Sung got her spotless hands dirty in his name and an icy hot feeling spreads in his stomach over the knowledge that she’s tainted with his black fingerprints that will be impossible to wash herself clean from.

Young Jae wants to hold on to her as tight as he can and cling until she’s crawling in the filth with him.

I kind of love the way you ship them.

No one else have ever watched and waited for her darkness to show, for her smiles to fall and her eyes to go dead. And it’s in his search for the ugly parts of her that he see’s the small dark lines peeking out from beneath her school uniform, the sight of them clashing horribly with the paleness of her skin.

Young Jae wonders if she’ll break like him one day, if her shallow scars can become a miniature map for the lashes on his back and once safe in the dark corners of his room, he starts fantasizing about her small hands guiding his fingers up her legs and under her skirt for him to pick at the nearly healed scabs until they are bleeding again-- open and red-- just for him.


UGH YES YES YES.

but Young Jae gets all her anger and her contempt and those things have always only been for him. Her vicious words and distaste for him drips black like hot tar from her fingertips and spews from her mouth, it sears and burns itself into his skin and for her, he’s going to wear every blister and scar with pride. He takes everything that nobody else wants from her and keeps it like a token close to his chest, hidden under the layers of things he wishes he never were.

THIS IS ALL SO SCREWED UP AND PERFECTLY THEM. WOW.

Date: 2013-03-11 12:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] indiesnopp.livejournal.com
The way Young Jae seems to desperately cling to this need of being hated and feared rather that pitied, really makes me see him as an abuse victim compensating too. He's also clearly doing alot to repress his memories of abuse and that explains all his nightmares.

Young Jae must have hoped to have a better life at some point and that he must've been smart enough to be able to attend and keep himself in the school housing the top 1% of the country.

I kind of love the way you ship them.

only in the unhealthiest way, my dear~ The way he looks at her is bordering on sick and it's even sicker that she plays clueless to it in front of the others, but when they were alone she was fully aware of what he was feeling and even taunted him about it. These two are the worst.

I wish I could stop with these fucked up pairings augh...

Thank you so much! It makes me so happy that you liked it! And I'm happy to show you a bit of my brain and make you see why I shipped them haha<3

Edited Date: 2013-03-11 12:11 am (UTC)

Date: 2013-08-28 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lan-ting.livejournal.com
so so so........
I don't even know where to begin, because i guess I have a lot to say and not so much, but I REALLY wanted to let you a comment here.

I've read it and I don't even know if I breathed haha.
First, i'm really kind of glad because you found a reason behind ... Youngjae's behavior and why he is so afraid of being love and what he said with " i'm afraid people will stop hating me " and yeah... because the drama didn't quite provide us his reason, or didn't develop it enough so yes.

and then. this is really really beautifully written, and breathtaking.
I wish I could half as well haha ♥ this was really really really really beautiful, i'm going to cry now. it was beautiful in the most twisted way but beautiful anyway.
Every metaphors are beautiful and I have so much favorite quotes it can't be favorite quotes anymore because they are really too many.
And I don't even know what to say because it was so short but just so ... perfect.

HERE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I'M NOT GONNA QUOTE ANYTHING BECAUSE I COULD AS WELL QUOTE THE WHOLE THING AND IT WOULDN'T BE REALLY USEFUL SO HERE I AM DONE WITH MY COMMENT.

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